365 days

One year ago tonight, this tiny 19 pound 23-month-old girl was placed in my arms for the first time. Her head was buzzed and her ears stuck out. She flashed me the goofiest grin and I was instantly smitten. We drove through the orphanage gates and even though I was asked if I would leave her behind, she and I never looked back.

We haven't had the picture perfect adoption story. We didn't get a fairy tale ending where we came home and discovered she had no special needs at all. In fact, in addition to confirmed cerebral palsy, Lorelai has needs we had no idea about including severe hearing loss and other things she's still undergoing testing for. We struggled through months of sleepless nights, food battles and fear of the outdoors. Our transition wasn't smooth and often, it wasn't rosy.

I will not lie to you and tell you she was an easy "yes." She wasn't. It is terrifying to say "yes" to the unknowns, to the brokenness, to knowingly open my heart to the hurt.

I wrestled for months, even though I knew how amazing special needs adoption can be. Even knowing this, the "yes" was not easy.

I didn't say "yes" because I am brave or strong or fearless, but because I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and loves this little girl more than I could ever imagine. I said "yes" because even in my fears, I trusted my Heavenly Father when He said to me "You are the second mama I have chosen for her."

In the last 365 days, we have seen her come alive.

We've seen her gain joy.

We've seen her discover love.

We've seen her go from an empty shell to a treasured daughter, a daughter who knows she was chosen, wanted and so very loved.

The "yes" is never easy, my friends, but incredible things seldom are.

Say "yes." Jump and say "yes." I promise, the joy is so much greater than the fear.